While working as a Veterinary Nurse and assisting with planned euthanasia, I was often a little envious that animals had that option, and I saw it as a blessing and a privilege that we could end their distress in a relatively painless, dignified way, with just the scratch of a needle coming between their suffering and death. Plus, they have the added advantage of not knowing what was coming, so they could be given a last meal of something yummy and enjoy a bit of fuss, without anticipation or worry. Of course we as owners know what’s coming, so the animal might well pick up on our mood, but nonetheless it’s a kindness, and a selfless, brave act to be with your companion at the end, if you are able to do so.
On the downside though, the animal has no agency in all this – we owners, together with our vets, make the decision on the animal’s behalf to the best of our knowledge and ability, but it’s so hard to know when the time is right. There are various sayings such as ‘better a week too early than a day too late’ (to avoid unnecessary suffering) but the least useful of these has got to be “you’ll know when the time is right” – as if it’s going to be obvious, when it seldom is! It often boils down to them having more bad days than good, with no real chance of an improvement.
Fortunately, alongside advice from your vet, there are various Quality of Life scales available for us to use to hopefully see the situation with some clarity and objectivity, which can be very difficult when you’re living with a situation day in day out. Please see the following links:
https://www.pdsa.org.uk/pet-help-and-advice/looking-after-your-pet/all-pets/how-can-i-tell-if-my-pet-still-has-a-good-quality-of-life
https://caringpathways.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/QualityofLifeScale.pdf
https://cloud9vets.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/It-is-time-checklist-April-2018.pdf
https://www.lsu.edu/vetmed/veterinary_hospital/quality_of_life_assessment.pdf
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/dog/time-to-say-goodbye-to-your-dog
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/cat/wellbeing-and-care/time-to-say-goodbye-to-your-cat
There is also a huge difference between a well-planned euthanasia to end a terminal illness, and a sudden, accidental or unexpected death, because as Atul Gawande says in Being Mortal:
“For human beings, life is meaningful because it is a story, and in stories, endings matter”
For anyone suffering a bereavement some form of counselling may be needed. Grief is never a linear journey and everyone will have an individual experience of it. Talking it through is always encouraged, although it may be a while before you feel able do so. Seek empathetic friends and family, or a professional who understands pet loss, and avoid anyone who might say “It’s just a dog/cat/chicken/rabbit” like the plague! Interestingly, this form of grief is called disenfranchised grief – meaning a type of grief that is not openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported, often due to a loss that is not recognised as significant, or when the grieving person feels they are not allowed to grieve due to societal norms or personal beliefs. I believe that in today’s more open world there is a better understanding of the importance that animals play in our lives. The natural and completely understandable grief that follows their loss can eclipse that felt after losing a family member or friend, for which the mourner sometimes then feels guilt as an additional part of their grief. Acknowledge how you are feeling on any given day, accept that it can vary wildly and often for no apparent reason, and try to be kind to yourself.
The Blue Cross run a pet bereavement support line on 0800 096 6606 available between 8.30am and 8.30pm every day, or you can seek help via your GP, or privately.
Of course, we at Our Special Friends are here to listen too, and we certainly understand the importance of animal companions!
Written by Gemma Reid and Sam McAulay (Our Special Friends, Animal Companionship Practitioners)
